Sponsored by Twilight

In March 2011, I misread a label whilst out shopping. Not to say that I have particularly poor eyesight, I misread the word ‘pencils’ for ‘incense’. Yes, I know they are nothing alike, but when your mind is focussed on the word ‘Twilight’, it’s an easy mistake to make. If you’re me. And in a hurry. As I usually am. And, no, I haven’t had a flashback to that particular shopping trip after all this time – this is simply an alternative introduction to a digitally remastered post from last year. Anyway, I began by waff writing about Twilight: Incense…

I think it would be good if any of the companies that produce these various methods to create aromas in our homes could create something like this, if only to stimulate our imaginations. My imagination, more to the point (although, there are times when my imagination is stimulated just enough!) And then the personal grooming companies could join in too, and create body sprays and hair styling products that had a similar smell. I wouldn’t suggest it to the toothpaste manufacturers though, as I don’t think Breath of Vampire or Werewolf’s Smile would be particularly good sellers. They may sound good on the cover of a book, but don’t have the same effect on a tube of toothpaste.

I can see it now…

I get in after a very long day at the office, and decide to have a shave to freshen up a little. In my bathroom cabinet (it’s more like a little room in one of the hidden wings of Aquatom Mansion, but I’ll use the word cabinet to keep things simple) I reach for my Twilight: Stealth Shaving Gel. The label reads:

‘Luxuriously smooth, Stealth lathers with the slightest drop of water, so is environmentally friendly, and equally covers the required area in seconds, so is time effective – ideal if one is in a hurry. With it’s invigorating mix of musky, spicy and rainforest extracts each shave is a unique sensation in itself. Best to be used with a sharp razor, as blunt ones tend to nullify the time element, the experience is not one to be sniffed at. The top secret blend of ingredients has a skin tightening element too, that makes any jawline appear chiselled and defined, and the long-lasting fresh smell after the shave serves as a reminder as to just how good an experience the shave was. For those who want to smell more musky, or more spicy, or more like a rainforest, use our additional Twilight: Howl aftershave balm to enhance the particular element of your choice. Or use all three, if you really want to over-power everyone else. That is the flexibility of Twilight.’

I find it amazing as to what can fit on labels nowadays. I shave and cut my neck with my blunt blade. I should have paid more attention to the label.

I stop the bleeding, but the cut on my neck looks kind of cool where it is, so I leave it for  a while, although I place a small piece of toilet tissue over it in case the bleeding starts again. My hair is looking a little (!) dishevelled after being in the office all day, so I go back to my ‘cabinet’ and retrieve my Twilight: Moonglow styling gum. I can’t resist these labels:

‘For the look that holds wherever you go, hold your head up high with Moonglow!”

This gum is in a little round tub with a screw top lid. I remove the lid, and scoop a small amount of this luminous green gunk into the palm of my hand. I gently rub my palms together, which warms the gum and releases the fresh smell of ‘aquatic essence’. There is another fragrance called ‘midnight zest’ but this latter smell clashes with the spicy smell of the shaving gel. I massage the gum into my hair, and in a second my hair is set in place. Like cement. There is no way that will move tonight!

Not that I’m actually going anywhere, but sometimes I just like to try new products. I throw my shirt back on, and make myself a cup of hot Twilight: Shade green tea with vanilla, and then head to the lounge to chill for the evening. I light a couple of Twilight: Essence scented candles, and three Twilight: Infusion incense sticks. The smell of me and these scents quickly fill the lounge.

I’m feeling very refreshed and relaxed. But also energised and raring to go. Only it is a work night, and I need to go to bed soon, so I can get up early for work in the morning. It’s all well and good getting and using these products, but I won’t smell this good in the morning. And there is absolutely no point going to work smelling like that. I mean to say, I have an image to project.