Everyone’s at it nowadays. Celebs. People in the street. And now me.
I’m referring to the Selfie. A self-taken photograph on a mobile phone to be used in a social media setting to promote oneself in a cool, and hip way. A way of saying ‘look at me in all my glory’!
Now, at present, I’m not quite photogenic. I’m quite good at mobile phone photography, if I do say so myself, but not as good at taking a Selfie as I would hope.
I need to be a contortionist to get myself in the right pose, to look centred and magnificent. I also need to be a contortionist to not look as though I’ve been photographed through a wide-angle lens. And I need to be a contortionist to not have any stray thumbs cover the photo. If there’s gonna be a blob in the photo, it ain’t gonna be my thumb.
The lighting needs to be just right, so as not to cast huge monstrous shadows all around, and also not cause any glare from any shiny bits I may have upon my person.
The photo needs to reveal just enough, but not too much.
The photo needs to be grainy. Edgy. Oh, and unique.
We’ve all seen those same old same old Selfies now, haven’t we?
As I said to my good blogging buddy Diane, in a comment to her post, there isn’t enough air for me to be brushed into shape, and have my fine physique manipulated and oiled to within an inch of, well, even the remotest reality at present, so I think my Selfie has got the right balance of everything.
I’ve been jogging tonight, inspired by that dream I had the other night. I glistened afterwards, as I slumped over a chair trying to get enough breath into me to carry on breathing.
The photo was taken just before I went.
I proudly present my Selfie:
Gritty, grainy, and as you can see, the hair started its exercises a lot earlier than I did. I’ve always had very strong hair.
OK. Maybe the camera angle was a bit high, but I couldn’t fit all of me in anyway. I tried taking me in the mirror as well, but that was just wrong. And too much like the regular Selfies that are now two-a-penny, and I didn’t want that.
So, I thought outside the box and reinvented the Selfie. Perhaps we bloggers could start a trend and have our own style of Selfie, and beat social media at its own game?
I’ve also reinvented jogging, and ran five-hundred steps on the spot in two minutes. I’d have carried on, if I hadn’t lost my balance and careered head-long into the door. It’s lucky it was closed, otherwise I’d have sent myself off along the landing and down the stairs in an instant. And I’d have probably hurtled straight through the front door with all the momentum I’d have gained, and have probably ran out of steam in Ipswich.
Five-hundred steps for a first-timer is good. Especially one with my knees.
Tomorrow, I shall up the ante, and run six hundred steps. Every little helps, so they say. And soon, more of me will be able to fit into a Selfie.
Well, I do like to dream.